Monday, December 11, 2006

Dumbass Announcer Hall of Fame : Gary Danielson

Gary Danielson: Football Genius

This is going to be a regular series on this site as I am now starting the Dumbass Announcer Hall of Fame. Our first inductee? None other then former Detroit Lions Quarterback and current CBS Sports Color "Analyst" Gary Danielson.

I don't know if you know this or not but Gary Danielson knows more about football then you do. He does! He's a football genius! During the second half of the SEC Championship Gary decided it was his duty to give Florida the greatest commentary blowjob since the night John Madden set the standard during the Brett Favre "Dad Died" game. Gary was in full campaign mode for the Gators to get the National Title nod instead of the Wolverines and went to absurd lengths to do it. In a graphic he explained on the air, Gary showed us how Florida's schedule was better then Michigan in pretty much every way. First of all this graphic was completely ludicrous and to prove that let me just go over one of games where Gary was "throwing Michigan a bone"


The only common opponent between Florida and Michigan this year. Gary ruled this game a "Push" Really? A push? Let's look at the stats....

Vandy vs. Michigan

  • Final Score: 27-7
  • Total Yards: Michigan 381, Vandy 171

Florida vs. Vandy

  • Final Score: 25-19
  • Total Yards: Vandy 391, Florida 330

So let me get this straight....this game is a push? How is this a push? I mean I understand that Florida had to go to Vandy (and NO ONE wants to go to NASHVILLE...tough place to play) but they were OUTGAINED by Vandy and only won by six freaking points, but apparently this game is a push according to Gary Danielson. This is the same guy who just couldn't go with the Red Zone definition we all know and love (inside the 20) instead redefining it himself as the area INSIDE THE 30!!!! LISTEN TO HIM!!! HE KNOWS MORE THEN YOU!!! THE MAN IS A GENIUS!!!

Now if it wasn't bad enough that he openly campaigned for Florida during the SEC Championship game, he then went on Detroit Sports Radio to defend himself. The full audio is available over here at mgoblog, but let me sum up things for you. First off Gary defends himself by saying that ESPN has a pro-Big Ten and anti-SEC agenda. Hmm that's interesting considering I was watching College Football Final and saw BOTH Lou Holtz and Mark May campaign for Florida where the lone Michigan voice was Kirk Herbstreit. IT'S A CONSPIRACY THOUGH!!! ESPN HAS AN AGENDA!! You know who has the agenda? YOU DO GARY!!! CBS has a TV contract with the SEC and you go and give the SEC Champ a long campaign speech during the middle of a game. Hmmm....maybe someone here has an agenda. Gary does admit to having an agenda. He said he was doing it for "the good of college football." Thanks Gary but college football is probably better off without ignorant asses like you speaking for it. Then Gary decides it's time he shows that he really is an unbiased and impratial announcer with no agenda whatsoever by saying this...

"I would have voted for anybody instead of Michigan. I would have voted for Oklahoma (ed: 2 losses) or Louisville (ed: from the shitty Big East) before I put Michigan in that game."

But you don't have any sort of agenda do you Gary? You are just looking out for college football. Then he decides to give us this nugget that sealed his entry into the Dumbass Announcer Hall of Fame...

"I know a lot about football. I know how to watch tape, and if I can't tell who the second best team is, how can anyone else?"

There you have it folks. Please stop any and all debates on college football because if you aren't Gary Danielson you don't know enough to know anything. I mean this guy was a great quarterback for the DETROIT LIONS! HE KNOWS MORE THEN EVERYONE! HE IS A FOOTBALL GENIUS!

In short Gary Danielson is the first inductee into the Dumbass Announcer Hall of Fame because he is a triple threat. His commentary is annoying, he's ignorant, and he's a pompous ass. Congrats Gary....and please quit....for the good of college football.


Allen said...

I never would have predicted anyone would beat Brent Cheeesburger into this Hall of Fame. Way to go Gary!

Anonymous said...

You know what, I watched the game -- and have no dog in the fight I cheer for an ACC school - and Gary Danielson was pleading for Florida the whole time. It was pathetic.

Henry Gomez said...

Ok, who is the dumbass now?

One big problem with your common opponent comparison. Michigan played vandy in week 1. Vandy's QB had thrown all of 3 passes in his career to that point (remember they had Jay Cutler last year, the first round draft pick who is now the starter for the Broncos). Florida played Vandy several weeks in (in the middle of a brutal stretch in their schedule during which some key players were nicked up). Also Florida played Vandy on the road and Michigan played Vandy at home.

OSU's big win was over Texas and Texas also had a QB with very little experience. This wasn't the same UT squad that won the BCS last year.

The fact is you can't know which team is better until they play but you can make some assumptions and know some facts. We knew Michigan had lost to OSU. In a two-team tournament (that's basically what the BCS is) why would you want a rematch if there is a long list of viable contenders that haven't gotten a shot?

That's what Danielson said. It's unfair to assume that the two best teams are in the same conference without any evidence. He said, and I love this analogy, that it's as if you got all the kids on your block to run a race and then said that the two fastest kids must be the fastest kids in the city without running a single race against anyone from the other blocks.

Going back to the common opponent theory, Michigan lost to OSU by 3. Florida beat OSU by 27. Does that mean that Florida is 30 points better than Michigan? I don't think so and I'm obviously a Gator fan.

BAW said...

Love this comment. Very good argument and very well thought out. You also have a very nice blog by the way.

That being said, I agree with your point on common opponents, but my reasoning for calling Gary Danielson a dumbass (I believe I've called him a douchebag before as well) is because he's supposed to be an objective broadcaster and even HARDCORE Florida fans I talked to after the SEC title game said he was basically pleading on air for the entire 4th Quarter for Florida.

If Gary was REALLY all about giving another team a chance then why didn't he champion Louisville (also one loss) as well? Because they weren't in the SEC...that's why. Plus he then had the audacity to say that if he doesn't know who the two best teams are then no one else does. I'm sorry but Gary Danielson is not the end all and be all of football. He's just a pompous ass who thinks he knows everything about football.

To be honest if commentators were as well thought out as your comment then I really couldn't have a bitch. I'd actually be quite happy if they debated things intelligently instead of blatantly pulling for whatever team/conference pays the checks.

So in the end Gary Danielson is still a dumbass...but even broken clocks are right two times a day. Oh and thanks for kicking Ohio State's ass...made my month.