Saturday, February 3, 2007

Can We Just Play this Damn Game Already?!?

This pretty much depicts me over the past two weeks....

The wait is almost over folks. The event we've all been waiting for is almost here. Can't you taste it yet? It's right there. We're a little more then 24 hours away from being able to talk about the NFL Draft! What's that you say? There's a game too? Really? They should probably publicize that a bit more or no one's going to know about it.

It's been a rough two weeks. I've managed to make it thus far without watching a second of pre-game analysis therefore allowing me to keep my sanity instead of listening to people like Sean Salisbury wax poetic for two weeks on the same crap. Here's what's amazing about the whole situation. I haven't watched a second of analysis on this game and yet I still feel relatively informed as to how these teams are going to play AND the major storylines going into the game. How was I able to ascertain this knowledge without two weeks of incessant babbling about it? Um, I'm guessing it's from watching 20 weeks of freaking football already! Seriously what have we learned in the past two weeks that we didn't already know? Here are the major storylines going into the Super Bowl, and remember I didn't watch ANY pre-game coverage....

  1. Peyton Manning shits the bed in big games: He did it at Tennessee, he's done it with the Colts and now he has a chance to get that monkey off his back so he won't end up being the next Dan Marino. Though someday I'd love to see Peyton arguing with a guy like Trent Dilfer on a pre-game show and every time he mentions something about Super Bowls, Trent flashes his ring in his face. That would be AWESOME!
  2. Apparently Tony Dungy and Lovie Smith are black: Don't know if you've been made aware of this, but it's kind of a big deal.
  3. Tank Johnson is a idiot with lots of weapons: I think Jay Mariotti has probably written about 3,000 columns on this so I think we've got it covered.
  4. Rex Grossman is a shitty quarterback: Yep, it's really that simple. Dude threw about four good passes in the NFC Title game and yet the Bears won. He could become the worst QB ever to win a Super Bowl.
There you go. Four major storylines leading into this Sunday's game. I'm sure these have been beaten into your head over and over and over, but just thought I'd remind you. Are those exciting stories? I totally think this warrants SIX HOURS of pregame. I do think they may need an extra bag of oats to get Shannon Sharpe through the broadcast, and just as a precaution someone should probably check him for Laminitis...don't want another Barbaro on our hands.

To be honest this is probably the least excited I've been for a Super Bowl. On one hand you have the Colts and Peyton Manning (who I intensely dislike) and then you have the Bears and their horrible fans. So either Peyton finally gets his big win which will start an onslaught of announcer love the likes we have never seen, or some of the worst fans in the NFL will get an opportunity to celebrate a championship and then talk about this team for the next 20 freaking years like the last time they won the Super Bowl. Can we just not play this game and start next season right now? Please?

So I suppose you're wondering who I'm taking in this game (or not, either way). Well it's a pretty simple thing to figure out. Peyton can't beat Florida. They pantsed him all of his years in college and he's never really gotten over it. Where did Rex Grossman go to school? Florida. There you go folks. It's pretty simple when you get down to it right? In the biggest ironic twist EVER~! (and that's what we'll be hearing ad nauseum after this game) Rex Grossman will outplay Peyton Manning and win the Super Bowl. Take it to the bank. But if, for some reason, the Colts actually win this game, may God have mercy on us all, because the amount of announcer blustering may reach apocalyptic levels if Peyton wins the big one. Be sure to go out and buy plenty of can food and bottled water. You've been warned.....

Bears 31 Colts 24

Now about that draft....

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