Avoiding the Noise Day Four: The Magic of NFL Films

This man is really doing God's work

Do you realize that the last bit of actual NFL programming I watched was the moment after Peyton Manning kneeled down to seal the game against the Pats? I've managed to avoid it all. Of course this means I haven't been able to see SportsCenter, but thanks to the interweb I've been able to keep up with the goings on with all of my teams (let's not discuss Michigan's performance in Madison last night shall we?) In my effort to find ways to fill this gap in my sports viewing I've tried many options, but today I may have found the best one. What better way to fill the football void than with...football.

Now as I've said before the Senior Bowl has been doing a great job of filling some of the football watching void. Listening to some draft analysis is good for my soul, but there is still a little bit of me that misses the NFL a little bit. Not enough to make me want to flip on NFL Live, mostly because I may run into Merrill Hoge, but enough to feel a small void. Today I found the answer to that void....NFL FILMS BABY!

ESPN is currently running NFL Films Super Bowl highlight films during the day and these are easily the best thing on TV right now. Every highlight film is set up by Steve Sabol, who runs NFL films, and he always does a decent job giving a brief description of the storylines of that particular season before setting up the title of the highlight film. They are always something corny like "Gold Rush" for one of the 49ers wins but I think that adds to the charm a bit. When I was a kid ESPN would run these all Super Bowl Sunday before the game and I would just watch that all day instead of the six (can you actually believe they spend this much time on ONE FREAKING GAME!) hours of pre-game coverage.

Nothing can really duplicate the NFL Films music and John Facenda's voice over the highlights. Just great stuff. Today I caught a bit of the 49ers beat down of the Chargers. Watching that really reminded me how brutal of a beating that really was. Steve Young threw six (!) TD passes in that game. I guess the best analogy I could come up with is that the 49ers were Kobe and the Chargers were...nevermind...

That being said this was a welcome diversion in my day and I would totally recommend watching as many of these as you can. What better way to get ready for the Super Bowl than by watching all the greatness of the past ones? Okay...maybe skip the Ravens/Giants one...but even that game would be better than watching Salisbury and Hoge obsess over whether Peyton was able to thumb wrestle with Eli this week...this bye week is just freaking brutal...ugh. A little over a week to go!

Avoiding the Noise Day Three: The Other End of the Spectrum

Wait....they started hockey season?

In my efforts to make it the full two weeks to the Super Bowl without watching a minute of the pre-game coverage I've gone a couple of avenues. Yesterday I found watching Senior Bowl practice to be a pretty good way to avoid the coverage while combining my love of the NFL Draft and College Football...but Senior Bowl practice can only get me so far. I need more things to fill the void. So imagine my amazement when I find out on this series of tubes we call the internets that the NHL All Star game is tonight! First of all since when do they put this game on a Wednesday night? I read it's because Betteman and his infinite wisdom decided that this was the best way to "showcase" the game and get it more exposure....

Well I don't have a degree in marketing but your first problem with this whole "exposure" issue is the fact that you are broadcast on some network called "Versus." This network was previously famous (read: not) for its coverage of the Tour De France. Um, how do you expect to get exposure playing on a network that's only other sports coverage was limited to freaking cycling? Seriously? Who thought this was a good idea? I'm not really that amazed that this league shut down for a year with idiots like this running the show. I realize that ESPN was lowballing you NHL and the crazy wackjobs from Comcast came to your door with a few more dollar bills. So you go with the company that may not be as good, but hey...they're paying us more! SCORE! Here's the problem with that. While the short term gain is something, the long term loss will probably be more. The NHL has a bunch of young stars and the game is more wide open thanks to new rules. This is the time the NHL should be using to grow a bigger national following in the hopes of landing a bigger TV deal when the current one expires. Instead....they are floundering on a shitty network and wasting the early years of some future megastars. No one is watching the NHL...and a lot of it has to do with the people in charge making a grab for the easy money instead of making the more sound investment with a real network and taking a hit in the interim but hopefully building up to a strong future.

The second mistake is this dumb as hell All Star scheduling. Does anyone in the NHL watch TV? Why in God's name do you put your All Star game up against American Idol? It's on EVERY DAMN JANUARY! Did this just sneak up on your dumb asses? And don't tell me it's a different audience. These are the people the NHL wants to make into their new fans. Young people with lots of spending power. Go look at American Idol's demos. They BLOW AWAY the competition in the male 18-34 demo. Gee...I'm sure the NHL may want some of those viewers....but instead Betteman decides to put his All Star game up against that instead of putting it on a weekend with no football and up against such juggernauts as The Apprentice and Desperate Housewives. I'm not a betting man, but I'm guessing the ratings would be a bit better on Sunday.

Is it a requirement to work for the NHL offices to have your head stuck directly up your ass? Seriously...what the fuck. It just amazes me that people who are paid rather well and probably went to pretty good schools can fuck up something this badly. This is basic shit here. Let me spell this out for you so you can understand....DON'T PROGRAM ONE OF YOUR SHOWCASE EVENTS AGAINST AMERICAN IDOL AND ON A PIECE OF SHIT NETWORK THAT BARELY ANYONE KNOWS EVEN EXISTS! If I were the NHL I would be saving every penny of that TV money Comcast gave them...at this rate they may be paying the TV stations to air them next time....

Avoiding the Noise Day Two: Godsend

Guns don't kill people...Lamar Woodley does...

Today I'm sitting at work and I start to wonder how I'm actually going to make it through these two weeks without watching any sports analysis. How can I do this? I've watched SportsCenter for pretty much every day of my life since I turned 8. Some kids watched Power Rangers and cartoons in the morning but I was up watching SportsCenter (and the Sports Reporters on Sundays...can you believe that shit? I wish I could go back in time and tell a young me how stupid most of those guys sound and not to waste my time) and perhaps a bit of Saved by the Bell....what can I say? I was a sucker for Kelly....but I digress.

So I thought long and hard about what I was going to do to occupy my time and then it hit me. IT'S SENIOR BOWL WEEK!!! That's right folks. It's the start of my second favorite time of year (behind College Football season)....NFL DRAFT TIME! The NFL Network (I know...talk about getting way to close to the enemy) is showing Senior Bowl practice all week and analyzing prospects for the draft. HELL YES! Plus they have the game itself on Saturday! Now I can sit back and start my NFL offseason a whole week early.

I'm pretty big into the NFL draft. It combines College Football and the NFL...two things I love. Plus it's the only time of year a Lions fan can actually feel optimistic...though if we draft that bed wetting Brady Quinn I may jump off my apartment building. Just sayin.

I know what you're thinking here though, "Aren't you going to run into some Super Bowl hype by watching the NFL Network." I know I'm walking on eggshells here. One false move and I'll be hearing Steve Mariucci or Deion Sanders discussing Tony Dungy's new found big game greatness or what Peyton Manning heroically ate for breakfast on the day of the AFC Championship.

So here's my plan. I'm using the awesome power that is my DVR to record the Senior Bowl coverage and therefore I don't actually have to turn on the NFL Network itself, thus aiding in avoiding a potential pratfall. Plus, I can then pause and fast forward anytime a commercial is on (Peyton is in 2 of every 4) and also just in case they decide to talk a little Super Bowl instead of focusing on the Senior Bowl in the broadcast. IT'S A PERFECT SYSTEM!

Now if you'll excuse me I have to go watch my man Lamar Woodley greatly improve his draft status during one on one drills against the future draft bust Joe Thomas. Enjoy your evening!

Avoiding the Noise Day One: Withdrawals

Tyrone knows all about withdrawals

Well I made it. Day one of avoiding any and all live sports programming and I'm still here. Granted I'm huddled in a fetal position on my floor and typing this with one hand but I totally made it. No SportsCenter, no Cold Pizza (not a huge loss), no ESPNEWS...absolutely no sports analysis on TV. I even avoided live games just in case they decide to start talking about the Super Bowl. Trust me...it happens. Dick Vitale talked about Steve Mariucci getting fired during a college basketball game....it can totally happen.

As it stands I have 12 days left to avoid any and all sports analysis. I experienced a little withdrawal this evening when my hand automatically wanted to turn SportsCenter on when I got home from work...but I fought the urge and flipped on reruns of Seinfeld. It was hard mind you but I rested a bit easier knowing that all I was missing was Sean Salisbury waxing poetic (in a way only he can) on how fantastic Peyton, and Tony Dungy are. Just the thought gives me chills.

With one day down I'm pretty optimistic that I can make it through this, but I'm going to have to get a bit more creative with things to do. Heroes isn't on every night and Lost doesn't come back until next week. I suppose tomorrow I could be a good American and get watch the State of the Union, but by the end of that I'm sure I'll want to throw a remote through the TV.

No matter what I end up doing I remain committed to avoiding any and all Super Bowl analysis. I SHALL PREVAIL! Now isn't it time for SportsCenter...DAMNIT!