Monday, January 29, 2007

Barbaro Euthanized and Millions of Emotionally Troubled Shut-ins Put on Suicide Watch

Barbaro during his "heroic" effort at the Kentucky Derby...

In case you haven't heard the "GREATEST HORSE EVER~!" Barbaro was euthanized today after his long fight against Laminitis. It is actually a sad story whenever something like this happens (which it often does in horse racing, Pine Island was euthanized just off the track at this year's Breeders' Cup) but what turns this story from sad to somewhat amusing in a "let's take a look at that car accident" kind of way is the messages on Barbaro's Message Board.

For those of you who don't read Deadspin (and if you don't read that site I have no idea how the hell you found mine) the center where Barbaro was being treated put up a message board for his well wishers to come together and be creepy together. Over the months we've been treated to a comedy treasure chest of old crazy shut-ins who have been taking time from tending to their 30 cats and writing god-awful messages to a horse who can't read.

File photo of Barbaro message board poster

So to honor Barbaro I'm going to take a look at his message board and try and pick up the pieces of many broken hearts. Remember these people are not only writing to a horse...but a DEAD horse. That fact makes what you're about to read that much more humorous....

  • GOD knows when he needs a special horse to do what needs to be done. God Bless his care takers to make the right decsions to do what is right in this time of need., 46; Woodlawn, VA, USAposted on 2007-01-29 16:39:41

God apparently has been jonesing for a match race between Barbaro and Secretariat....and after that Barbaro can plow the back 40.

  • [tears] We loved you, Beautiful Barbaro, and may you rest in peace now. You put up a good fight, the very best. I wish peace and healing upon everyone who has been touched by this magnificent animal.
    Cheryl Heinrichs, 55; Hays, KS, USAposted on 2007-01-29 16:19:11

This one isn't especially crazy but I did enjoy the stage direction [tears] to start things off. She forgot to put this at the end though [stops typing and goes to feed 40 cats and die alone]

  • Been writing since the beginning this one weighs heavy on my heart been crying all day sorry to all what a fighter he was..still think the Dr.from Kentucky caused this.... Barbaro had a heart of a champion... Love Cindy & Anthony Capurso
    Cindy & Anthony Capurso, 60; Astoria NY Queens, NY, posted on 2007-01-29 16:19:11

Let's just get beyond the "crying all day" part and move straight to the meat of this post. "The Dr from Kentucky caused this." Is there some sort of medical malpractice Barbaro conspiracy theory I didn't know about? I hate to break this to you Cindy and Anthony but I'm pretty sure the cause of all this was Barbaro snapping his leg in three places. Horses are usually put down on the track for an injury like this....just sayin....

  • There are no words to express the emptiness. We must all console each other the best we can. Our hearts go out to the Jacksons, and even more, to Dr. Richardson and his devoted team. Love of animals is hardest when we are helpless to help them.
    Marcia; New London, PA, posted on 2007-01-29 16:14:50

I know how Marcia feels. I felt the same emptiness when Bambi's mother died, and I knew Bambi's mom about as much as Marcia knows Barbaro.

    Sandy Yarborough, 55; Roswell, NM, posted on 2007-01-29 15:32:13

Either Sandy is yelling or her caps lock is broken. Hate to break (pun intended) this to you Sandy but in order to win the Triple Crown you usually need to win three races. I must say that the amount of exclamation points at the end of this post frightens me a little. Maybe because she's from Roswell the aliens did some experiments on her that renders Sandy incapable of using less excessive amounts of random punctuation.

  • Barbaro: You will live in my heart forever. Your beauty and courage set an example for all of us. You are a true champion, the likes of which we will never see again. Heaven holds a special place for angels like you.
    Abby Petrone, 47; Chicago, IL, United Statesposted on 2007-01-29 15:27:02

Apparently Barbaro standing in a stall and eating is the measure of courage to which all things are now applied. Hyperbole is a friend of the insane folks.

  • Goodbye, brave and beautiful boy! Go back to the wind, and nevermore have to tolerate the weakness and ignorance of mortal man! You're finally running in endless fields, at last....and in no more need of our prayers. Run on, Barbaro!
    Adela Henninger, 47; Rathdrum, ID, USAposted on 2007-01-29 15:26:47

Um...what? I'm assuming the "ignorance of mortal man" is referring to the pooled intelligence of all the people who write message board posts to a dead horse. RUN ON, BARBARO! YOU ARE FREE OF THE LUNATICS NOW!

  • Thank you for sharing Barbaro. He is a hero. God needs him now. Hearts are broken for the family, the doctors and the team. Thanks to all who took care of the greatest horse that ever lived. Baby Barbaro, run and jump as high as u want to!
    Suzanne, 49; Gastonia, NC, USAposted on 2007-01-29 15:25:45

So let me get this straight. All you have to do to be regarded as a hero by Suzanne is to run 1 1/4 miles, win by 6 lengths, and then break your leg. Let me give you a small tip Suzanne, it's probably better to use the word "hero" when referring to people like soldiers, police officers, and fire fighters, not horses. There's really nothing "heroic" about what Barbaro did. Also the "greatest horse that ever lived?!?!" Are you kidding me?!?! Somewhere in Heaven, Secretariat is getting ready to own Barbaro's sorry ass.

  • My heart is just breaking & my tears will not stop. Dear Beautiful Boy, May your journey across the Rainbow Bridge be painfree and now may you run with all of the other Champions that are waiting for you. God bless, Fancy
    Fancy Allen, 39; Richmond, VA, USAposted on 2007-01-29 15:07:52

I also believe that when I die I will be crossing a rainbow bridge on my way to Heaven....and at the end of it will be the Care Bears.

  • I can't describe the awesome whirlwind of emotions I've felt over the last eight months--you've given all of us so much strength. I plan to name my first child Barbaro, in hopes that he has half the heart that you did. --Michael Sambuceti, 24; New York, NY, USA posted on 2007-01-29 14:25:18

There are many things disturbing about this last post. First of all this is a guy and he's only 24. What the hell is wrong with you? Aren't you supposed to be out getting drunk or something? Instead he's posting on a dead horse's message board about the "whirlwind of emotions" he's felt. Normally I would be worried for the child that he is going to apparently name Barbaro (karma would dictate that this kid would win the mile in track only to snap his leg in three places at the state track meet....) but judging by the fact that Michael posted on this message board I'm going to assume that he's not getting laid anytime in the near future. Phew....that takes a load off my mind.

Now, before I get all these nasty comments let me assure you that I realize that this is a sad event. It's sad that Barbaro had to be put down, but come on. Sorry to say it but PEOPLE are dying every day in this world and they don't get 1/1000 of this kind of attention. Since Barbaro has passed maybe now you crazy's can turn your attention to the soldiers dying in Iraq or perhaps the situation in Darfur. You know...stuff that involves ACTUAL heroes.

Rest in Peace Barbaro. These crazy people won't be bothering you anymore.

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