Thursday, January 11, 2007

Go West Fat Fans!

Soon to be a picture of every fan in the right field pavilion at Dodger Stadium

I don't know if you've read this but apparently the Dodgers announced today that they are turning their right field pavilion seats into an all you can eat extravaganza for fans. At this point I can hear enormous men, like our pictured friend, gasping for breath wanting to hear the details of this grand plan (or they just moved slightly and are rather winded...either way)

Well for $35 (ironically $15 more then a 30 day trial membership at Bally's....but then again the people interested in this don't go to that's falling on deaf ears) you can belly up to the trough and get as many soft drinks, hot dogs, peanuts, nachos, and popcorn as you can cram down your throat (LA Dodger Food Funnels sold at stadium) Wonderful. As if sports fans weren't already fat enough, typically I'm seated next to an enormous sweaty guy at every sporting event, now they can go to a game and get even fatter.

Dodgers' Executive Vice President Marty Greenspun had this to say about the whole thing...

"Instead of paying cash, fans ask for whatever they want, and they get it. There are going to be some self-service parts, buffet-style, as well"

So am I to believe that these self service parts will include cheese dispensers so the industrious fan can just shove his face full of chips and then just funnel the cheese directly into his mouth? Or maybe there can just be a conveyor belt of hot dogs and fans can just eat and eat and eat. I know I for one can't go to a baseball game and just eat 15 hot dogs. I need 30. And don't give me this "well it's for convenience" crap. The old tickets were $10 a piece. I bet a good amount of money you could snag 2 hot dogs and a soda for less then the $25 needed to justify the price. This is just a case of people who can't control their eating habits in the first place being allowed to engorge themselves further AND watch a mediocre baseball team as well.

The only saving grace for this plan is that the food vendors for this open 90 minutes before the game and close 2 hours after the start. This is probably good since LA fans are known for being late (if they come at all) so odds are most "fans" will only have an hour to undue any amount of exercise they've done in the past 10 years.

I say next year they just add troughs to the backs of seats and have ushers come by and keep filling them. That way not only do fans have to deal with the "trouble" of having to actually use cash, they also won't have to actually get up and walk to the concession stand. It's a win win!

Oh and before you get any ideas Crazy Alcoholic isn't'll just have to sneak in your cheap booze in a flask like you always do so you can get just the right "buzz" to yell obscenities, try and start the wave, and challenge each person in the section to a least until next year....

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