Lions Can't Even Lose Right....

As usual the Lions play their best when it hurts them the most...

Well, well, well....in what has now become a yearly tradition, the Lions pulled off a meaningless victory that hurts their draft status on the road in a game they probably should have lost. Last year it was against the Saints (which was also their last road victory until today), and this year it was against the Cowboys. Luckily this year it will only cost the Lions one pick as they are now picking second overall instead of first. Last year it dropped them from number two all the way down to number nine. I'm sure Lions fans are real happy that that meaningless win against the Saints cost the team Reggie Bush or Vince Young....ugh...makes me sick...

As usual the Lions played lights out today (for them) and pulled off a "remarkable" victory. Why can't this team play like this all year? The Lions always play their best when they can fuck up their draft pick. Someone needs to let them know that if they play like this all season they can really screw up their draft pick by making the playoffs or something. Jon Kitna played lights out as well as Roy Williams and Mike Furrey. Mike Williams (!) caught the go ahead touchdown pass and then the Lions defense stopped Tony Romo on the one on fourth and goal to seal the win. Romo then went and cried in the arms of Carrie Underwood so I'm sure he'll be okay. The Cowboys now lose any chance at the division title and will play in Seattle next week. Hope it downpours all over T.O.....you guys should be ashamed that you lost at home to the freaking Lions. ASHAMED!!! Well I guess this means that the Raiders will take Brady Quinn off of our hands....hopefully he won't turn out to be a Hall of Famer and we'll look back on this win as horribly as we look back on last year's over the Saints....Enjoy the New Year!

Best Sports Moment of 2006? No Contest....

Simply....AWESOME!

With 2007 approaching rapidly a lot of people start to look back and put together lists of the best and worst of 2006. I'm not really into making long lists when it comes to stuff like that, but I did figure I'd share the best sports moment of the year (and probably my life for that matter)

Let's start off with a little backstory. I have been a huge baseball fan for my entire life but was only 4 years old when the Tigers last made the World Series and 7 the last time they were in the playoffs. It had been 13 years since the Tigers had a winning record (half of my life if you are keeping track) and just to see them in the playoffs was unbelievable. I went to Yankee Stadium to see the Tigers in Game 2 of the ALDS which was probably the most nerve racking experience I've ever had at a sporting event. Nothing matches the nervous energy of baseball. One pitch, one swing and everything changes. I sat through the first Tigers playoff win in 13 years and little did I know that would start the Tigers walk to the World Series. After they took out the Yankees I decided that I was going to go back to Michigan for a game in the ALCS. Since game 4 was on a Saturday and I wanted to make sure I saw a game I got tickets and made the long drive home.

Much to my surprise the Tigers were in position to sweep the A's and clinch with me in attendance. I went with my Mom and my Dad and even though it was a pretty cold night in Detroit I ventured out in just my Tigers hat and my lucky hooded sweatshirt (couldn't wear a coat over it or it would have been a jinx) We took our seats in the upper deck behind home plate and it was the first time I had ever seen Comerica Park sold out. The Tigers have been terrible the entire time that park opened and I couldn't believe I was sitting there for an ALCS game. It was pretty surreal. Now I have to say that watching baseball with my Mom is quite the ordeal. She gets more nervous then anyone and panics at the slightest hint of failure. Not good since the A's took a 3-0 lead early in the game. After the A's scored the two runs to make it 3-0 in the fourth I looked at my Dad and said...

"I would be cool with being down in this game all the way to the ninth if the Tigers won with a walk off home run. Otherwise I'd like to see them blow them out because these close games are stressful."

My Dad laughed and said he'd take a walk off home run too, but he'd rather see it tied because that would lower the stress level a bit. My Mom then went into her full scale panic so my Dad and I laughed and went back to watching the game. The Tigers scored a couple of runs in the fifth and then in the sixth Magglio hit a home run to left to tie and I thought that would be the biggest home run I would see. Boy was I wrong....

The innings went by and after Jason Grilli walked four straight people on 12 pitches and gave me a heart attack Will Ledezma came in and got the Tigers out of the inning. Then it was on to the 9th inning. I looked at my Dad before the start of the 9th and said,

"Well if the Tigers win this game it will be a walk off something. I don't really care what it is."

First two hitters in the ninth were outs so I was starting to think about the tenth when Craig Monroe hit a single to extend the inning. Then Placido Polanco (who destroyed the A's) singled as well, which put the series clinching run on second base for....Magglio....

The entire stadium was standing and chanting "MAAAGLIO OH WE OH!" The first pitch was a ball and Street took a moment to compose himself between pitches and then he threw the 1-0 pitch....and Maggs crushed it. Watching it on TV later that evening I could see that he knew it was gone the moment he hit it, but from where I was sitting I never saw Maggs....I just watched the ball sail through the night towards left, and when it hit the seats all hell broke loose. It was the most joy I've ever felt at a sporting event and will probably ever feel again. It was so loud and everyone was jumping up in the air and hugging. I hugged my Mom and my Dad and I exchanged the hardest group of high fives ever. It was a perfect night. The Tigers had been so bad for so long and they finally made it back to the World Series in the best way possible...and I was there.

Leaving the stadium everyone was yelling "SWEEP SWEEP SWEEP SWEEP" and giving random strangers high fives. Even outside the stadium people were screaming and hugging each other. Just awesome. The best sports moment of 2006 and probably the best of my life. It doesn't even matter that they lost the World Series (I was at Game 2....which they won) because that night will always stand. A perfect evening....

I leave you with this video that pretty well shows how it was to be in the stands that night....just unbelievable. Have a great new year!

When the camera shakes and moves to the left I'm somewhere in that section behind home plate. Just a beaufiul video.....AWESOME!!!

Rose Bowl Preview

What John David Booty sees in his nightmares....

Well with the New Year's holiday coming up it only means one thing....ROSE BOWL! I've registered my disgust for the BCS system at length for giving Michigan the shaft and putting Florida in the BCS title game, but as much as I'm still angry about that, I can't help but get psyched up for the Rose Bowl. Having grown up a Michigan fan it's been programmed into me that going to the Rose Bowl is a big deal so it's impossible for me not to get amped up for this. I'm hoping this is the year Michigan breaks their little bowl losing streak (which is now up to three games....) and get a big W that can propel them to big things next season, but let's take a look at how these teams match up....

Quarterbacks

Chad Henne (MICH) vs. John David Booty (USC)

Chad Henne has started every game he's played since walking on Michigan's campus three years ago. He lead the team to a Rose Bowl his freshman year and came within a field goal of getting the win. He's probably going to have all the Michigan passing records when he leaves school (thank God....nobody wants John Navarre's name up there) but won't get the respect he deserves until he comes through and gets a win in a big game. He's 0-3 against Ohio State, although he played his ass off against the Buckeyes this season, and he's 0-3 in Bowl Games. His advantage could be that he's played in many big games where his opponent...not so much. Henne's problem is that he sails the ball a bit at times, and there are times when he takes sacks when he should just get rid of the ball. When left in the pocket he will pick you apart, but if you get some pressure up in his face it rattles him a bit. He did handle it better against Ohio State which could mean that he's turned the corner.

John David Booty came onto campus when Carson Palmer left for the NFL and thought he was going to compete for the starting job, but then Matt Leinart bitch his ass to the bench for three years. Finally with Leinart gone Booty got his chance to get on the field and shine...and he's done alright. I don't really know if Booty is really good or that he lucks out by having some ridiculous receivers. Watched a few USC games this year and it seemed like he was a little off in his accuracy and was bailed out by Jarrett and Smith. He has not played in many big games, in fact I really would only count Notre Dame and UCLA as his "big games" and he played decent. The Michigan defense will cause him fits and he's shown (in the UCLA game) that he doesn't handle pressure that well. He will get pressured here and will have to deal with it from start to finish.

Advantage: MICHIGAN

Running Backs

Mike Hart (MICH) vs. Chauncey Washington (USC)

I don't really think this is much of a contest as Mike Hart is the heart and soul of Michigan and a 2007 Heisman Candidate and Washington is just starting to come out of the shadow of Reggie Bush and LenDale White. Hart has shown that he is gritty and tough against some of the toughest rush defenses in college football (see 143 yards against Ohio State) which is something Washington has yet to show. Against a decent rush defense in UCLA he was only able to put up 55 yards. Michigan is much better then UCLA when it comes to stopping the run (and pretty much everything else...) so I see the Wolverines making the Trojans pretty one dimensional in this game. Hart will have a tough go against the USC defense but he has shown the ability to step up and get his yards against a tough defense so I still expect him to play pretty well.

Advantage: MICHIGAN

Wide Receivers

Mario Manningham/Adrian Arrington (MICH) vs. Dwayne Jarrett/Steve Smith (USC)

This group could very well be the group that decides this game. Both teams are going to have to go to the air (USC more so the Michigan) because both teams have the ability to stifle the run. Manningham has shown the ability to be a huge playmaker and Michigan's offense is completely different when he's on the field. In games he's started and played significant time this season Michigan has averaged over 30 points a game. When he's not in Michigan only averaged a little over 20. Arrington has also shown the ability to make the tough catches and be a great number two receiver.

But in the end USC wins this matchup because Dwayne Jarrett is ridiculous. He's fast, makes acrobatic catches and comes up big in big games. He'll be a top 10 pick in the NFL Draft if (when) he comes out after the season. Here's the kicker, for as good as Jarrett is, Smith has had a better year on paper. That just shows you how good these two receivers are. If USC is going to win this game these guys need to come up big because Booty is probably going to be running for his life from the Michigan pass rush.

Advantage: USC

Offensive Line

Michigan's offensive line switched to the zone blocking scheme this offseason and it helped revitalize a rushing attack that had fallen off in 2005 (also I Mike Hart not being injured helped a bit as well). They also are pretty good at keeping off the pass rush, but sometimes they have trouble picking up the blitz. USC has a good rush defense, but are lacking a little in pass rush, but in order to win Michigan will have to run the ball and set up the playaction pass so Michigan's objective should be to get Mike Hart going and and that should take care of any USC pass rush.

USC's offensive line is their big weakness. Against a team like UCLA they weren't able to run at all and they also showed they had problems with fast defensive ends. Michigan happens to have two fast defensive ends which could cause the Trojans fits. This could be the tipping point in this matchup. Can USC's O-line stop Michigan? I think the answer will be no...

Advantage: MICHIGAN

Defensive Line/Linebackers

I'm grouping the front seven together as in college football they all play off each other a lot. Michigan's front four is probably the best in college football at stopping the run and getting to the quarterback. Their linebacking corp is also very good, although Prescott Burgess misses some tackles from time to time. The key to this game will be whether Michigan can pressure Booty without having to blitz linebackers. If LaMarr Woodley and Alan Branch can get to the QB consistently that means Michigan can drop their linebackers back into coverage, making it harder for the Trojans to get a passing game going. USC's line has shown a weakness in this area which could be where Michigan wins it....

USC is good at stopping the run. They've shown that throughout the season. They showed it against quality competition (see: Lynch, Marshawn)...but....I think Michigan will be able to at least get a decent rushing game going against the Trojans which means they will have to show the ability to get a pass rush on Henne. I think they will able to pressure Henne, but I also think Michigan's ability to run will hurt the Trojan pass rush and therefore allow Michigan's offense to get a few good drives.

In the end I think Michigan's front seven will dictate what USC offense does in this game, while Michigan's offense will dictate what USC's front seven does...

Advantage: MICHIGAN

Defensive Backs

This is probably Michigan's weakest point. They are decent in the secondary but not great. Leon Hall is a stud but he can only cover one man. Michigan's pass rush is key because with the receiving talent USC has the ability to shred the Wolverine secondary if given enough time to do so.

Same could probably be said for the Trojans secondary but overall they are a little bit better then the Wolverines. This seems to be a weakness for both defenses, and whether or not they get burned will be completely based on whether either team can pressure the quarterback.

Advantage: USC

Coaches

Lloyd Carr (MICH) vs. Pete Carroll (USC)

Lloyd has been on the good and bad side of the Ohio State rivalry. He dominated John Cooper and has been dominated by Jim Tressell. Does that mean he's forgotten how to coach? No. That just means that Tressell has had better talent the past couple of years and even with that Michigan has yet to be blown out in any game against the Buckeyes. Lloyd hasn't won a bowl game since 2003 and two of losses were in the Rose Bowl. Is Lloyd a bad big game coach? I don't think so, but he hasn't proven that he's a good big game coach either.

Pete Carroll, however, has shown to be a pretty good big game coach. He's won two national titles and came within a Vince Young comeback of a third. Some will question the thinking of leaving Reggie Bush off the field on fourth and one in last year's Rose Bowl but that's probably nitpicking a bit. Carroll's "feel good" vibe works in college football and due to Lloyd's recent missteps in big games he gets the nod here...

Advantage: USC

Intangibles

Last year's Michigan team went 7-5 and was embarrassed and angry. This season they made it a point to show everyone that last year was a fluke and that this was still a good team. They've done a fantastic job at that so far (save for that loss in Columbus) The Michigan seniors have not won a bowl game and they don't want to go out 0-4 (with an 0-3 in the Rose Bowl). Michigan also has a rather large chip on their shoulder having been screwed out of the National Title game and will want to show the voters (Jim Walden I'm looking your way) that they screwed up. Some say Michigan may be off because of the anger over not being in the title game. I don't think so. This team has dealt with the sting of loss and come back from it, they will be ready.

USC hasn't dealt with losing too much. Most of these guys have only lost a total of three games in their careers. After the choke job they pulled against UCLA one would have to wonder how they will respond. The advantage they have here is that they are at home essentially so that will help a bit, but it will also provide family distractions and alike that Michigan won't have quite as much of. USC has played in big games and won them (very recently) so they know how to approach these games.

In the end I think Michigan has a lot to prove and are ready to prove it and that goes over USC's big game experience

Advantage: MICHIGAN

Final Verdict

I think Michigan turns USC into a one dimensional passing team, and that will allow the corners to play off a bit and for the pass rush to be in Booty's face all game. I think Mike Hart will find a way to run against the USC defense and with that Michigan will be able to get a big play or two from the play-action pass. This game will be close throughout but Michigan will put a little distance between them and the Trojans in the fourth quarter and ride the wave to preseason number one for 2007 with the win....

Final Score: Michigan 31 USC 21

GO BLUE!!!!

Mike Hart Stays in School. Kevin Grady's "Fumblemania Tour" Pushed Back to 2008

"8 home games and a reloading Ohio State? Hell yeah I'm coming back!"

It almost feels like forever since I wrote something about Michigan football, but since the Rose Bowl is on the horizon (full preview coming tomorrow) I figure it might be time to start warming up a bit.

Today's news in case you haven't heard is that Mike Hart has announced that he is coming back for his Senior season and ready to lay a path of destruction over what could be the best set up schedule in Michigan history. That now makes three stud offensive players that have announced their return (Henne, Hart, and Long) and with Manningham and Arrington also still around it pretty much means that the Michigan offense will only get better next season. Plus that also means Kevin Grady won't be thrust into the starting role when it's obvious that he can't hold onto a football. One thing Hart does REALLY well is not fumble, which is good because if Grady were around to fumble every 10-15 carries I think I may get an ulcer....

On the defensive side there are a bunch of big losses (Woodley, Hall) but if Alan Branch forgoes HUGE money by staying in school (he says he's thinking about staying, but I still don't see it) then the defense may just lose a small step next season.

But even if the defense loses a bit next season, I don't think it's really going to matter. Michigan's schedule sets up better then I've seen in a long time. Take a look....

(Home in CAPS)

EASTERN MICHIGAN
OREGON
NOTRE DAME
PENN STATE
at Northwestern
TBD
PURDUE (HC)
at Illinois
MINNESOTA
at Michigan State
at Wisconsin
OHIO STATE

Can you believe that schedule? It's a thing of beauty! That TBD will probably be filled with a home game against a MAC school or possibly the dregs of some BCS conference (PAC 10 I'm looking your way) Either way they really don't have a "tough" game on the road until Wisconsin (sorry Sparty....you're still terrible) and with Notre Dame and Ohio State losing the majority of their talent to the NFL, the 2007 season is setting up quite nicely for the Wolverines. That being said I could totally see Michigan returning to the "blow a game they shouldn't" mentality that has plagued them in the past and dropping one of these games, but the optimist in me sees and undefeated season heading into Madison in November. That Wisconsin game could be a stumbling block especially when you consider it will be at night and will be Michigan's first real road test of the season. Then of course you have Ohio State and the Sweater Vest will probably open up the check book err...recruit some more talent to replace all that he's lost. I still think Michigan wins that game next year and books their trip to New Orleans...but for now the focus is on Pasadena and the "Battle for Pre-season Number One" against Southern Cal. Check back tomorrow for my preview and prediction (hint: Michigan wins)

NFL Draft Suicide Watch

Don't look him directly in the eye....

With the Lions making their march to the number one overall pick in the draft, basically a loss this week pretty much seals it, I figure it's time to check to see which members of college football's elite may find their careers ruined by Matt Millen and the Detroit Lions. So without further ado....

Jeff Samardzija

WR/P, Notre Dame/Chicago Cubs

What Jeff will be doing if he gets drafted by the Lions

This pick fits all the Millen standards. Wide Receiver? Check. Major University? Check. High probability of turning out horribly? Check. I can totally envision a scenario where the Lions take Samardzija and then having him give the organization the middle finger by going and pitching for the Cubs. This would be a dream scenario for anyone who really hates Matt Millen. I do think Millen is stupid enough not to check if the kid wants to play baseball, but I don't know if this pick is "sexy" enough for the big man.

Odds On Lions Killing Career: 15-1

Joe Thomas

OT, Wisconsin

This is what Joe will look like as a Detroit Lion....

This is probably a pick that would fill a need the Lions desperately have to fix. Their offensive line is HORRIBLE and they haven't been able to fix it in free agency over the years so one would assume that this would be a great place to start rebuilding the team. That's probably why I can't see Millen going for this. It makes too much sense. Matt Millen...fill a need? Fuck that. He's going for the "best available talent" no matter what position he plays. THAT'S the mentality that lets a team actually pick three straight wide receivers in the first round and turns the franchise into a running joke, but then again if not for Matt Millen this might be a happy blog and you may never even read this. Joe should thank his lucky stars Millen's an idiot because his career will be given a chance to flourish in a place like Arizona...wait that's not good either....God speed Joe....

Odds on Lions Killing Career: 10-1

Calvin Johnson

WR, Georgia Tech

Uh yeah....don't get used to scoring touchdowns Calvin....

What would a Lions draft preview be without TWO wide receivers? Johnson has better "measurables" then Samardzija which means he would probably the sexier pick. He also has the added bonus of already having played with a terrible quarterback in college so the jump to the shit the Lions put behind center really won't be much of an adjustment. Never have I seen a prospect who is so good at looking frustrated at his QB's under thrown interceptions or catching a ball that was thrown to his knee. He may be the perfect receiver for the Lions, and with Mike Williams fat ass about to be shipped out of town it may be a good time to restock the receiver closet Matt. Mike Furrey can't do it alone you know.....

Odds on Lions Killing Career: 5-1

Adrian Peterson

RB, Oklahoma

Get used to breaking tackles. Offensive line? Never heard of it....

With Kevin Jones foot being declared MIA for the foreseeable future, the Lions may be looking Adrian's way to fill the big shoes that are still left from Barry Sanders. He definitely fits the bill for a Lions running back. Great talent but an injury waiting to happen. Sounds like Billy Simms and Kevin Jones alright. Perfect! The only thing holding Millen back on pulling the trigger on this one is that he might actually be good. Can't have that. You don't get four year contract extensions for putting a good team on the field. Nope, there is a sexier pick out there for Millen to snatch up....

Odds of Lions Killing Career: 3-1

Brady Quinn

QB, Notre Dame

Just change the uniform and this is what Brady will look like in Lions colors...

Let me list a few names for you okay? It won't take too long but I think it will prove my point...

• Chuck Long
• Andre Ware
• Joey Harrington

These are the last three quarterbacks the Lions have taken in the first round. Great track record huh? Are you as excited about Brady Quinn as I am now!!! I can't wait to watch this guy shit the bed on Sundays like he did on Saturdays against good competition. I will say I've never seen a QB light up the Service Academies like young Brady did. Plus did you see how he tore up Stanford? AWESOME! Plus he lead that comeback over our little friends from East Lansing too! He's GREAT! DRAFT HIM NUMBER ONE! HE CAN'T MISS! What's that you're saying? He played Michigan and USC this season? BUT HAVE YOU SEEN HOW TALL HE IS?!?! AND THAT ARM STRENGTH?!?! AND HE'S DREAMY! I fully expect that the first pick EVER announced by Roger Goodell will be Brady Quinn going to the Detroit Lions. In a related story Brady Quinn has been put on suicide watch and the Lions have ordered extra oats for Brady's sister...

She's currently training for the Kentucky Derby....

So Brady I really only have one thing to say to prepare you for your "career" here in Detroit. Run. Run as fast as you can!

Odds of Lions Killing Career: 1-2 (Sorry Brady....)

Holiday Weekend Rewind

Fuck Northwest...they are TERRIBLE!!!

So now that I'm back after the weekend back home in Michigan, I figure it's time to a quick recap of what went down over the long holiday weekend. First though a small diatribe about my journey home.

Fuck Northwest. I would recommend you avoid this airline at all cost. I do a good bit of traveling and I've NEVER sat in a plane with the door shut and ready to go for so damn long. Last night, for example, I got on the plane at 10:25 (for a flight that was already delayed for an hour mind you) and the door was shut at 10:35, which was on-time for our new departure time. Do you want to know what time we actually started to taxi to the runway? 11:25....that's right....50 minutes sitting in the plane. Why? Because they were still loading baggage. Um, what? Why is it that every other airline on the planet can run an efficient business but Northwest has their heads up their ass? On the way in I waited 30 minutes before we taxied.....brutal. I'm never flying this shitty airline again and I would advise anyone else to avoid it at all costs as well.

Sorry about going all "Peter King" on you by going through my travel exploits, but I really don't want anybody to fly Northwest. It's my new personal mission....

With that out of the way let's move to the weekend's happenings....

Saturday

UCLA might have a future in this whole basketball thing....

#1 UCLA 92, Michigan 55

Don't know how many of you actually watched this, but it was actually worse then the score shows if that is even possible. Basically this game proved two things to me...UCLA is really good...and Michigan can't hold on to the basketball. Oh and they might be terrible. I can't accurately describe how awful this beating was. I think viewing this again would lead to tragedy not seen since Raiders of the Lost Ark...

"UCLA with ANOTHER steal..."

Sunday

A HAPPY Lions fan? Matt Millen says, "Merry Fucking Christmas, Douchebag!"

Bears 26, Lions 21

Was anybody really surprised when Mike Williams dropped the winning touchdown in the end zone? It was pretty much the perfect storm for Lions fans. You come in all pist off because the team is shitty and plan on booing them till your voice is sore, but they put up a fight against the "Best Team in the NFC" so you start to cheer because they are "scrappy" and showing some life, and then...just when you get your hopes up.....BAM! Swift kick right to the nuts. That's right folks these are still the Lions! Not only did the game suck but there wasn't even a half wit fan protest to laugh at. Nobody did anything. Just sad all around, but at least the Lions have the inside track on the number one draft pick. Should make for a great offseason of "Matt Millen is on the clock...think he's going receiver?" jokes, and in a way I think we are all winners for that.

So that pretty much covers the two big weekend games. A great weekend to be a Detroit sports fan.....if only the Red Wings still played.....what? They do? Really?

Lions Aren't Just Horrible at Football, Fans Also Suck at Protesting....

Those signs are so cute...almost makes me want to give a damn

So as you've probably heard, today was the big day for Lions fans as the whole "Fire Millen" movement was supposed to hit it's crescendo when, at the 8 minute mark of the 2nd quarter, all the Lions fans were going to walk out and "show the Lions." Well lord knows I am always one to watch a bunch of idiots try to affect change by planning something stupid (like walking out on a game you already paid for...way to damn the man!) so I went to the game, and here's what happened....

I sit in my normal seat (my family has season tickets...yeah...we're dumb) and immediately notice that the majority of the crowd seems to be Bears fans, in fact when the Bears were introduced the crowd roared more then booed, which told the story right there. I haven't seen this much orange on grown men in a long time.

As always the dregs of our society decided to do their best to make some signs to mark this occasion and also to show off their wit and hilarity to the world. Two stuck out in particular to me....A Bears fan who was sitting about three rows in front of me stood up and showed of his sign that said,

"Bears Fans Say....KEEP MILLEN!"

ZING~! Wow, now that is quite a funny sign. I mean normally people bring "FIRE MILLEN" signs, but this guy goes and turns it completely upside down and makes it "KEEP MILLEN!" You know because he's a Bears fan and all....and Millen sucks so he wants him to stay....get it? I'll hold for your laughter......done? Now let me move on to another winning member of society. This guy was sitting about four rows in front of our witty Bears fan and he was so proud of his sign that he stood up a total of FIVE separate times and made the full 360 with his wonderful sign that he spent all night making on his MS Word program. Want to know what it said? Here you go....

"All I want for Christmas is for the Lions to FIRE MILLEN!"

GET IT?!?! It's Christmas Eve.....the jackass was wearing a blue button down shirt as well which means that not only is he an idiot who thinks he's WAY funnier then he is, he's also a bit pretentious by going to a Lions game in a dress shirt. He also was really starving for the attention as he really wanted people to laugh at his sign. I had to fight my urge to throw something sharp at him every time he stood up with a shit eating grin on his face that said, "Man am I so funny for this great sign. LOOK AT IT!! IT'S SO FUNNY! IT VALIDATES MY EXISTENCE AS A HUMAN! AND LOOK, I'M WEARING A BUTTON DOWN SHIRT AT A SPORTS GAME! I'M JUST THAT IMPORTANT!" Maybe he was trying to give the impression that he was a rich business jackass with that shirt but I think the upper deck seating showed what kind of poser this jerk was....makes me sad to be a Lions fan (among the many other reasons)

So at the beginning of the game it was a pretty hostile crowd. They were pretty much booing the Lions for everything they did....and then a funny thing happened. The Bears fans were such jackasses about standing up and cheering loudly that the Lions fans got pist and started actually cheering for the Lions again. Apparently nothing galvanizes a crowd on Xmas Eve like hatred for your fellow drunken fan.

I then sat and watched the horror as the worst 13-2 team in the history of the NFL went toe to toe with the worst team in the NFL and as time slowly ticked towards the big moment I was saddened by the fact that I was at an NFL game but more interested in seeing if a bunch of morons were going to leave their seat at a completely arbitrary time to show a few people, who really could give a damn, that they are "fed up."

Well not only did the 8 minute mark come but the clock was even STOPPED on a change of possession at 7:59! What serendipity! So I looked around my section and around the stadium (you get a great view from the upper deck) and.....NOBODY FREAKING LEFT!!! Maybe...MAYBE 20 or 30 people actually got up and left but you couldn't even tell. So there you have it, all this talk for the past two weeks about this grand protest that was going to really show the Fords that Lions fans have had enough and then....nothing....

Now I was on record as saying this was a stupid idea in the first place as the tickets were already paid for so all you're really doing is depriving yourself of what you paid for, not the Lions, but if you're going to talk so much shit about doing it you had better follow through. This was ALL OVER the papers and sports talk radio for the past two weeks, and now we Lions fans look like a bunch of bitches. I'm sure Matt Millen was sitting up in his suite calling us a bunch of pussies. Fantastic. Then to top it all off the Lions decide to actually try and blow the number one draft pick by actually winning this game....until Mike Williams dropped the winning touchdown pass in the endzone with no time on the clock. Fucking Lions....days like this make me wish Michigan would just play on Sundays too....ugh.....

Things to Watch Over the Holiday Weekend...

Using your own hands to eat is for fucking chumps!

Since I'm about to head off to enjoy a weekend back in Michigan celebrating Jesus' birthday I figure I'd leave you a nice little Holiday viewing guide as I probably won't be around to post anything till after Xmas....unless I feel motivated after the Michigan/UCLA game. You never know...but since it is a holiday weekend there is a lot going on in the sports world. So program your robot spoon to "shovel" before it decides to get smart and start killing you, it's time for Holiday Sports Viewing!

Tonight

• CFB: Las Vegas Bowl: BYU vs. Oregon ESPN, 8 PM

Now normally I wouldn't recommend watching a bowl game where a team with five losses tries to avoid that scarring sixth against a team from Utah...but have you seen what helmets Oregon is actually going to wear in this game?

Airbrush flames are so freaking cool baby, I also have a dragon painted on my van

And if that's not enough for you they are sporting the yellow jerseys with this bad boy (and probably the yellow paints too)...though I probably wouldn't recommend watching this in HD

because it may cause you to go blind....

UPDATE: Apparently Oregon didn't have the guts to pull off the full yellow uniform, instead opting for green uni's.....and here's what happened....

UGLY HELMETS MAKE BYU ANGRY!!! BYU SMASH!

The lesson here? If you're going to wear hideous helmets at least wear the ugliest uniform to match...or the Mormons are going to run roughshod over your ass....

• NBA: Detroit @ Cleveland TNT, 8:15 PM

What's sad is even though I'm listing this and even with me being a Pistons fan I can't really get that excited for an NBA game in freaking December. I think they should just start the NBA after the All Star break and have a sprint to the finish and the playoffs, these midseason games are just killers.....

• Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer CBS, 8 PM

Santa giving the customary Christmas Nazi Salute...fucking racist

I know this isn't sports but I could probably write an entire post on this Christmas "classic." This could be the most hate filled cartoon ever. Nevermind the fact that you can't watch this cartoon and come off thinking Santa is nothing but an ignorant racist jackass, but what's worse is the elves actually commit a MURDER during the credits!!! They kill the misfit bird that can't fly, he swims. I think they do this to teach us all a lesson that even though normal people except the losers of society, they are just waiting for the right moment to pick your asses off. Don't believe that they'd actually kill a poor toy in a children's classic? Here's your proof. Remember, once you watch this you may be scarred for life.....just warning you....

That poor bird probably landed on the windshield of an NYC Taxi Cab...

Friday

• NBA: Sacramento @ Denver 9 PM (Blizzard Permitting)

What could be Allen Iverson's first game for the Denver Nuggets (if God's anger with Denver permits him to get in...that blizzard is revenge for this Iverson trade), AND if that's not enough Ron Artest is playing so you never know what the hell could happen. Although I really don't see Nuggets fans being the kind to start stuff like this....

Punch him will he not bleed? Throw a cup at him and will he not go crazy?

The only thing that would make this game better was if Carmelo was around to jack Artest in the face then immediately run for his life. Somehow the sight of Carmelo running away from Jared Jeffries makes me less afraid of what he does to "snitches"

Saturday

• CBB: Michigan @ UCLA CBS, 2 PM

I've covered this rather extensively and I figure with the tip being at 2:00 it will be about 2:15 before UCLA is up 20-4, so you can at least get 15 minutes of good basketball Michigan fans....right? Right?

• NFL: Kansas City @ Oakland NFL Network, 8 PM

Douchebag....

I really don't know if I should even recommend watching this as the NFL Network has put together one of the worst announce crews in the history of man. It's to the point now where I actually look forward to Chris Collinsworth shutting Bryant Gumbel up. Has there been a worse play-by-play announcer then Gumbel? I mean he called the clock a "shot clock" last week! That and his whiny ass voice actually makes me long for Pam Ward....maybe if you watched this game on mute and just laughed at Art Shell standing on the sidelines trying to figure out how to coach it would make it worth something....

• CFB: Armed Forces Bowl: Tulsa vs. Utah ESPN, 8 PM

How can you not watch the Armed Forces Bowl? Do you not support our troops or something? If you don't watch this game then the terrorists have won and you hate America. You don't hate America do you?

Sunday (Christmas Eve)

• NFL: Chicago @ Detroit Ninth Circle of Hell, 1 PM

This picture pretty much says it all....

I'm a masochist so I'm actually going to this debacle. I fully expect the score to be 28-3 by the half. I really think the Lions are the team they make you root for in Hell. There's really no other way I can really describe what it is to be a Lions fan. I think the only people that can even begin to know how it feels are Cardinals and Browns fans. What a sad fraternity....

• CFB: Hawaii Bowl: Arizona State @ Hawaii ESPN, 8 PM

How is it really fair that Hawaii gets to play at home in a bowl game? Aren't these supposed to be neutral fields? Pity poor Arizona State whose secondary will probably be shredded to bits by Colt Brennan. Don't worry Sun Devils. Dennis Erickson and his pack of "questionable character" Juco transfers are on the way to raise your fortunes while tainting your program forever next season! Good times!

Monday (Christmas)

• NFL: Philadelphia @ Dallas NBC, 5 PM

I tell you what...I really don't think it's Christmas until I get to see Jeff Garcia and Terrell Owens hook up on the field. Let me break down the commentary by Madden that you're going to get on this game.....

"T.O.T.O.T.O.T.O.T.O."

"T.O. and Jeff Garcia used to play....and T.O. called Jeff Garcia gay (I know...shocker)"

"Tony Romo is the second coming of Jesus (also known as "Brett Favre" to John Madden)

And I think that's about it. I'm sure there's a bunch of other crap on but you can figure that out yourself. Enjoy the holiday everyone!

This Probably isn't going to End Well.....

This game won't be for the weak of heart. Hide your grandparents....

So the holiday weekend is coming up and it brings to early Christmas gifts for yours truely...or lumps of coal to be more accurate. First this Saturday Michigan goes to Los Angeles for their execution game against #1 UCLA and then on Sunday I get to celebrate with my favorite team as I will attend the Lions game against the Bears. Since I will be covering the goings on with the Lions in fantastic detail next week, I figure maybe it's time to write a post looking ahead to the Wolverines' goings on this weekend....

Let me start by saying this, Michigan is going to get slaughtered. There's really no two ways about it. They may be 11-1 but they haven't beaten anybody and Tommy Amaker's sterling 17-37 record on the road doesn't really elicit a lot of confidence in the Wolverines being able to pull the huge upset.

But fear not, in the spirit of Christmas I've decided to at least look at the ways Michigan could pull off the unthinkable this Saturday and upset the undefeated Bruins....

• UCLA loses directions to Pauley Pavilion

I'm really doubting this happens since they've played there for 36 years, but this is LA and they could hit some wicked traffic and miss the game, and isn't Michigan due for a Christmas Miracle since they got screwed over by the BCS?

• UCLA decides to skip game and go see We Are Marshall

I don't know about you but how could you not want to see this movie? I mean it's got Matthew McConaughey which means there could be a scene somewhere where's he's hopped up on some doob and playing the bongos. This one could totally happen...the allure of McC is just that strong.

• Lester Abrams goes into "Teen Wolf" mode and drops 60

Even if this did happen he'd probably injure his leg and be out for the season as he runs to find Boof in the stands to kiss. That and UCLA would probably score 61 for the win....

So there you go....three very likely scenarios for a Michigan victory Saturday. I would recommend watching the game with a fifth of scotch and possibly some eye protection as the beating UCLA is probably going to give Michigan could cause you to go blind. But hey at least we have better looking cheerleaders....

Um....okay so they own us....but we are SO better in football. TAKE THAT UCLA!!!!

From the Office of Matt Millen

I am such a fucking badass ....

Dear Detroit Lions fans,

I don't like you and you don't like me. The only reason I'm coming down from my suite (you know, the one where they show me watching every game on TV...I look AWESOME!) to address you idiots is because I hear you guys are organizing another "protest" so that I'll get fired. Apparently you idiots are planning on leaving the game with 8 minutes to go in the second quarter, just like last year when you did the "Millen Man March" (cute by the way) where about 20 people showed up. To that I say this...Fuck you. I'm Matt Fucking Millen. Do you really think I care what a bunch of you idiots decide to do? I mean where are your testicles? If you really wanted to impress me at least riot a bit and burn some cars. I mean your money is already in my pockets and you think leaving the game is going to make a difference? I've got an entire medicine cabinet full of Mr. Ford's pills and I'm not giving them back till I get ANOTHER contract extension.

I don't know if you're aware because you fans are so damn stupid but I played for the Oakland Raiders and since taking over the Lions I've modeled our franchise after them. You see the results I'm getting? Right now we're JUST AS GOOD as the Raiders, and we've been BETTER the last two years! That's what I call progress Lions fans, progress you won't see the pussy media writing about. All the media can do is cry and whine about how we're 23-71 and how I'm a terrible judge of talent instead of going out on a limb and writing about all the progress I'm making. I make things more exciting around here. Before I rolled into town all people could bitch about was the coach and how the Fords are ruining the team. Now you've got me. You can all make your little "Fire Millen" signs (those were fucking funny by the way...my daughter put one on my Christmas tree and after I blacked out I laughed all the way to the hospital) and organize shitty protests that only a few idiots ever do. I keep you busy.

I also make the season last even longer by making sure we have a prime spot in the NFL Draft, and since I'm so batshit crazy you never know what I'm going to do. This year I've even outdone myself. We're in line for the number one pick in the whole draft! How's that Lions fans? You can argue all winter about whether I should take Brady Quinn or Adrian Peterson and then on draft day I'll fuck you all and take Jeff Samardzija (Calvin Johnson you say? He's too good...) and why do I do this? To keep things interesting! I'm a fucking genius!

So in the end Lion fans go ahead and do your little pussy protest. Stage your little "walk out" this Sunday. I'll be the guy giving you all the middle finger up in my nice suite and then maybe I'll head to the bank and cash another of Mr. Ford's checks. In the end I'll be the one laughing as all you pussies sit and take it for another year. Enjoy the offseason (I've got some more crazy shit up my sleeve.....)

Fuck You.

Matt Millen*
President of Football Operations
Detroit Lions

* not really Matt Millen, but if you believed this then you should make yourself sterile for the good of mankind

Time to get Excited about Michigan Basketball! Anyone?

That's right....we OWN Delaware State...Scoreboard Bitches!

With college football being basically finished, the Lions making their usual push for the number one overall pick, and the NBA and NHL not even close to halfway through their regular season exhibitions before deciding a champion by giving it to the first team to win 16 games (ugh), it's time to turn an eye over to the college hardwood and what do I see....

Michigan's 10-1?!?!

Granted most of those wins come against schools with the name "Delaware State" and "Harvard" but they have all (for the most part) been convincing victories for the Maize and Blue instead of the random one point wins against the dregs of college basketball. I would love to muster some optimism for the Wolverines to make their first trip back to the Dance since I graduated from High School (and that is becoming an increasingly long time) I will wait to reserve judgment until at least the Big Ten schedule rolls around with a December 30th tilt at home against Illinois.

That being said though I definitely think Michigan can compete for third in what is increasingly looking like a two team Big Ten (sound familiar football fans?) with Ohio State and Wisconsin getting ready to bludgeon the rest of the Big Ten. Especially the Buckeyes with their 40 er...19 year old Freshman Center Gregg Oden.

Now I reserve the ability to change my cautious optimism to maniacal uber-excitement if Michigan were able to give me an early Christmas present and somehow take out #1 UCLA...on the road....on December 23rd. I'm not holding out hope but I think karma may be coming back to get UCLA after they beat USC in football....and how can you deprive this lovely child at Christmas? HOW CAN YOU DO THAT UCLA?!?!

All this kid wants for Xmas is for Michigan to beat UCLA....and a new hat....

I don't know how you can tell this kid Santa Claus doesn't exist and Michigan can't beat UCLA. If you want to do that and take away the last bit of innocence left in his poor life then so be it UCLA. Soon he'll be playing Grand Theft Auto and shooting up the cops...and it will all be your fault you selfish Bruins! Do the kid a favor....let Michigan get one over on you guys on the 23rd....you can still lose late in the tournament like you always do! We just ask for one little thing! DO IT FOR THE KID! The Wolverines and our little fans await your response...

This Just In: The Detroit Lions are Shitty

Funny thing, this was also Kevin's expression seconds after the Lions drafted him

Well I think I'm done for a bit with College Football as I've been told by my doctor's that my heart needs a bit of a rest, so I will move on to the other football team that makes my winter a long one (but for completely different reasons).....the vortex of suck that is the Detroit Lions!

Yes the Lions lost another one yesterday 30-20 at the hands of the Minnesota Vikings, and for you keeping score at home that puts the Lions at 2-11 for the season, which is right on track for the number one overall pick in the draft (COME ON RAIDERS! JUST WIN ONE MORE BABY!) The thing about it is....I'm not even mad anymore. I'm just numb to how bad the Lions are and that makes me sad. My family has had season tickets for years and I've seen some great things (Barry going over 2,000 yards comes to mind) but since Millen took over I've just seen loss after loss to the point where I usually am formulating the way the Lions are going to collapse whenever they have the lead. I mean what other team in the NFL can have a imporable comeback at home get derailed by a botched hold on an extra point? Okay, maybe the Arizona Cardinals, but still....the Lions really suck.

It's gotten to the point that whenever the Lions go into the tank, usually once the season opening kickoff is in the air, I start to look forward to the one day a year when I can have some optomism...the NFL Draft.....So in honor of that I'm going to take a look at some of the guys who could see their careers ruined by the Detroit Lions in the near future....

Brady Quinn QB Notre Dame

I don't know if the Lions can gamble on another pretty quarterback with a name that ends in Y after the whole Joey Harrington debacle. Brady has already shown that he shits the bed when good competition rolls into South Bend (see: 2006 Wolverines, Michigan) so if he becomes a Lion I see a lot of "Happy Feet" and running for his life before heaving the ball downfield for the inevitable interception....in other words pretty much the same as every other past Lions QB. Bear in mind, however, that if the Lions pass on Quinn you can start making his bust for Canton....

Calvin Johnson WR Georgia Tech

The Lions can't draft another receiver can they? Hell yeah they could. You know why? Millen is batshit crazy folks! I say we bring Calvin in, jettison Mike Williams fat ass to the curb, and then let Mike Martz go crazy and pass on every single down. I mean we'd still go 2-14 but at least the score would be 46-44 instead of 9-7.....

Joe Thomas LT Wisconsin

Matt Millen drafting an offensive lineman with the number one pick? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! This pick would actually make too much sense if you just look at need. The Lions offensive line is horrible (which I could cut and paste every year) and they definitely need help and Joe Thomas could very well fill that need and be an anchor on the Lions line for years to come....but there's little to no chance Millen is going for this kind of pick that high in the draft. Are you freaking crazy?!?! Plus if the Lions actually did pick this poor soul he would become another Jeff Backus or Aaron Gibson....in a word....crappy.....

Adrian Peterson RB Oklahoma

And that brings us to Adrian Peterson. I hear you screaming, "THE LIONS ALREADY HAVE A RUNNING BACK!" Well Matt Millen says screw need I'm getting the sexiest pick I can! (with the exception of last year's Ernie Sims over Matt Leinart pick.....I'm still in shock that this happened) Is Adrian Peterson a big name? Yes. Will there be a lot of buzz if he's picked? Yes. Do the Lions really need him? No. Which means that Adrian midaswell start trying on some Honolulu Blue and Silver right now. All I can say to the young man is....sorry.....

UPDATE: The Detroit News is saying that Kevin Jones is out for the rest of this season with a severe left foot injury and his availability for 2007 is even in question. Bring on Adrian Peterson!

Dumbass Announcer Hall of Fame : Gary Danielson

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Time to go Independent

The fat man is smiling for a reason....the BCS system is his bitch.

Having spent a good portion of the last evening sitting in anger over Michigan being the latest victim of the BCS machine (see also: 2004 USC, 2003 Auburn, 2001 Oregon) I really didn't know who to point my venom at. Should it be the Harris voters who manipulated their votes in order to make sure Michigan was left out (WALDEN!) or perhaps the University Presidents for apparently having a large distaste for money and not going to a playoff system (TV Contract for BCS? 320 million over 4 years.....TV contract for NCAA Basketball tourney? 6 BILLION over 11 years....do the math....and football is more popular), but in the end no matter how angry I get it's really not going to change things, so instead I'm going to find a better solution....

Michigan should leave the Big 10 and become an Independent

I know this sounds absolutely crazy, but I think the fat man in front of the Golden Dome really has a lock down on how to work the system to its finest...hell he's gone to two BCS Bowls in two years without a single quality win....those are results people. Think about it. As an Independent Michigan could still schedule Notre Dame, Michigan State and Ohio State every year, and then fill the rest of the schedule with service academies and the dregs of the rest of the BCS Conferences, thus making it highly likely that every season Michigan will have no more then two losses and go to a BCS game for a fat payday. I mean the system doesn't punish Notre Dame for its horrible schedule and lack of big wins over the past two years....in fact it rewards it! Why not take advantage of the system instead of getting screwed by it?

If Michigan were an Independent you wouldn't have heard the whole "well they didn't win their conference" bs we've been hearing the past two days. Also voters wouldn't be able to discount Michigan entirely based on the conference as a whole. Take a look at a quote from the "genius" Jim Walton from the NY Times today...

“If you look at the Big Ten conference, it is a joke. I voted my heart and I voted my strength of what I believe in. In my opinion, Florida is the No. 1 team in the nation.”

See how he used the entire conference to bring Michigan down? How can we discount this guy's obviously great football knowledge? What did his Harris Poll look like you might ask? Here you go...

1. Florida
2. OSU
3. Michigan
4. Oklahoma
5. Boise State
6. Wisconsin
7. Wake Forest
8. Louisville
9. USC
10. Auburn
11. LSU

I mean as you can plainly see by looking at HIS poll the Big Ten is obviously a joke. I mean they only have three teams in THE TOP SIX! What a pathetic place to play football. Obviously the SEC is much better with two teams in the top ten....MUCH BETTER CONFERENCE.

But I stray from my original point. The system is wacked, but instead of playing against it we should just do what we can to play it to our advantage. I mean what advantage is there to even being in a conference? You have to split TV money and bowl revenue AND the conference tells you who you have to play every year. Sounds like Communism to me. What's more American then being an Independent? You make your own schedule and play who you want, when you want, and don't have to share your hard earned money with the likes of Illinois and Indiana (although we'll gladly split that basketball revenue like ND does in the Big East). Make Michigan football an Independent and just get fat and rich off a bunch of idiots who (to steal a line from Mark Cuban) I wouldn't trust to run a Dairy Queen. It's Capitalism baby, and if you don't support Capitalism you hate America. You don't hate America do you? Then help me spread the word to all corners of Ann Arbor!

INDEPENDENCE FOR MICHIGAN! VIVA LA REVOLUCION!